These three days, I've been absent-minded because I was waiting for one thing and was dazed both by what I was waiting for and by the fact that I was inattentively dazed by it. For example, when I take a bath every day, I shampoo my hair, wash my body with my hair rinsed and then wash off my body and hair at once. But these days I often wash my body first and then shampoo my hair etc... I'm out of order, not only literaly but figuratively.

What in the world made me out of order? It's Hikki's first album, entitled "First Love" (actually she's already released her first album in the name of Cubic U). I got it last Tuesday, the day before the album was officially released (I'm lucky as you'll find it sold out in every store now).

Indeed I was waiting for its release for weeks but the meaning of waiting dramatically changed a few days ago. I considered Hikaru Utada as a mere preococious girl who owes too much her genuine talent for music to her father, music producer, and mother, a famous singer with a big success of No.2 hit song in the annual ranking of 1970. In such a favorable situation, it's natural that she is endowed with such an extraordinary talent.

But when I listened to her family's collaboration entitled "STAR" (released in Japan in 1993), I had to change my opinion. I found in this collaboration, first of all, a mutual love of her family and a wide difference between her current music style and that of her parents. Her parents style was rather a little old-fashioned one which will easily remind you of the languid and plaintive atmosphere of her mother's songs. If you listen to the 9-year-old girl's feeble vocal in the collaboration, you'll never be able to imagine her current soulful voice. You'll not be able to imagine how Hikki's current hip hop style grew out of the sorrowful songs in the 6 years-ago collaboration.

It's natural that you'll think so. Hikki's current style is what she's got by herself and it's she that gave it to her parents. Then didn't she get anything from her parents? No, her parents taught her the love of music. That's why she can pave the way for her own music by herself. "Mom, Dad," she wrote in the credit of 'First Love', "I'm followin' your footsteps and carryin' on the family business after all. I know few families are lucky enough to have what we have." "See, what you give is just what you get,"(Lauryn Hill, Superstar) and what Hikki gets is the infinite love of music which is larger than any substitutable style of music.

I'm very sorry that I've never listened to her actual first album released in the name of Cubic U. So I have to write as if "First Love" is her first album (all songs written by herself). Some people may think the mainstream of her music is a so to speak computerized R&B such as "Automatic" and "Movin' on without you" which make you imagine a metalic sci-fi world. But when you listen to the title tune "First Love" and "Never Let Go", you'll be completely persuaded that she confesses she loves Yutaka Ozaki and that she has the intention of studying philosophy in Columbia Univ.

In "B&C" (the first letters of Bonnie & Clyde), she wrote, "Whether chance or destiny, it makes no difference to me." She denies both the idea that everything is determined in advance and that all is left to chance. She proclaims in a existentialist fashion that she chooses what she currently chooses at every minute. So R&B and hip hop style are merely a substitutable and temporary style but we can't affirm the truth of our current existence by such an ephemeral style which will be tirelessly updated.

Now you can clearly see that what's really at stake in her music is the very philosophical question about what's true and what's false. She doesn't dare to insist that she knows the truth because she knows well that the very reason she writes songs is to seek for the truth. Then we can ask why she can ask herself what is the truth, the possibility of the question for the truth. She can ask because she stands at the point where the truth and the falseness are about to differentiate between one another. "Lies and truth make no difference if you shut your mouth", "lies and truth make no difference if you are here", "lies and truth make no difference if you aren't here." (words in "In My Room") "Why don't you hide the truth with the best lies / and fake the reality with the wildest dreams." ("Never Let Go")

Here's the heart of her charm; the impossibility of determination and the possibility of question for the truth. She is just a girl and not just a girl. Her temporarily chosen style is dedicated to tireless asking. And all we can do is to continue listening to her as she changes.